Taking four silly 12/13 year old girls to dinner is good for the soul.  I was having a sad day today but I told my daughter I would take her friends out to dinner.   The original plan was for me to take them to a place where they could eat alone and I would shop in the shopping center to give them some alone time.  They chose Spaghetti Factory and Dutch Bros which meant no shopping for me.  I didn’t brush my hair today, wash my face, or even put on makeup but I took them like I promised.   Now that we are home, my brain is forever ingrained with the sound of the laughter and wow do I feel better.   They have no idea that their infectious laughs can cheer an old lady up.

I think I should probably change the name of this blog because lately I haven’t written about tea, I have no one to golf with, and I am not up for partying.  I’ll keep it though as my online journal to chronicle my ups and downs in life.   Life isn’t always easy and I hope this will be a reminder when times get good again to appreciate the life I have.  Knowing me though, I’ll probably delete it all and be ashamed that I felt so bad.  But for now, I write knowing that today was hard and tomorrow has hope to be better.

I saw something online today by Jay Shetty, about living for the weekends but ending up feeling weak.  It resonates so much with me today.  I am too busy to be sad during the week.  During the week, I work so hard to be great at my job and to be present in my children’s lives.  I look forward to the weekends but when they get here, lately I end up so sad and lonely.   My husband ran in to my friends last night all having a good time.  Two of them ask how I was doing.  I wish he said nothing but instead he said I wasn’t doing great and that it would mean so much if they would reach out and text me.  Why did he even tell me this.  I wish I didn’t know.  Granted, he told two ladies that I adore and admire.  Women that are successful, independent, and good.   Women that go above and beyond with both work and family.  Women that I completely relate to.  I think he thought it was a safe bet that they would text me.  They did not reach out.  I spent the day in tears knowing they know I am hurting and they don’t love me enough to send a text.  If my husband didn’t tell me I would have been blissfully ignorant that how I feel towards them isn’t the same as how they feel towards me.   He was trying to help me and unfortunately it ended up hurting me.  I can’t win because I also feel bad for him since he feels bad for trying and failing.

I hid the tears from my family today.   I’m not sure how I feel about that but I do know that taking my daughter and her friends to dinner was exactly what I needed.  I have her for 5.5 years before she heads off to college.  I am going to take advantage of every minute I have with her.  She still wants to hang out with me and for that I feel blessed.  I’m extra blessed because my 16 year old still likes to spend time with me too.   I spent the day with her yesterday.  My son however, barely wants to spend time with me.  He knows I love him and that will have to be enough for now.    I don’t know why I put so much emphasis on my happiness based on my friends.  I need to learn to better appreciate the love my family has to offer.  Not just the love of my husband and kids but also the love from my siblings and in-laws.  We often take for granted the love that is right in front of us.  My heart is still aching a bit, but I can hear the giggles of the girls throughout my house and I know everything is going to be ok.

Thank you to the mom’s of these precious girls.  They are kind and silly and I am lucky to have spent the evening with them.