8/15/2019

Yesterday I picked up my daughter from middle school.  I asked her how her day was and she said really good until the last five minutes then she burst in to tears.  I could tell that she must have been keeping it together until she got to the safety of my car.   Her friends all had a great day but one girl invited everyone in the group to Starbucks except 2 girls; my daughter being one of them.  Someone also told my daughter they heard this girl say under her breath not to tell my daughter.   I was so devastated for her.  No one likes to be left out.  No one likes when people are talking bad about them.  I tried to console her to no avail.  Finally my older daughter said she was driving her to Starbucks so she could see if this was even true.  I’m not sure if that is technically the best solution.  They had no plans to say anything to them.  I was just happy that my older daughter was supporting her little sister.   Later when I drove the 2 uninvited girls to cheer practice, I gave them some advice.  I told them that getting left out hurts when you are young and it hurts when you are old.  I told them that you aren’t always going to get invited to everything and that is ok.  Instead of being mean back to the girl who planned everything, I told them to give her some space.  I also tried to get them to think about what is going on in the other girl’s life that might have prompted her to single out just them.  Their friend isn’t typically mean and I am sure her meanness was prompted by some pain she must be feeling.  I gave them some possible examples.

I think the advice I gave the girls applies to everyone.  I think all the disagreements or hurt feelings in my friend group can be cured with a little empathy and understanding.  We all love each other so much but sometimes our own insecurities cause us to inadvertently hurt each other.   As established friends, we need to always realize that we don’t have bad intentions in anything we do.  If we hurt someone it is most likely not intentional.   If someone hurts us, we need to remember that.    I encouraged my daughter to talk to her friend but she is still nervous to have difficult conversations.  Many adults are no different.   As friends, we also need to help our other friends get along.  I told my daughter that now that she knows how it feels she needs to help her friends that might feel the same way.   As much as I try, I find that this is harder with adults.  Everyone is busy and everyone wants to stay out of everything.   I don’t think we all need to meddle in each other’s every action but sometimes friends need to help other friends out.   Each friend group needs some glue.  In my high school friend group it is Jenny.  She keeps us together no matter what.   I am so grateful to have her keep all of us together.  I wish I was the glue type of person.  I think I might be too introverted to be that person but for some reason I always encourage my extroverted daughters to be the glue.

I hope my daughter has a better day at school today.  I hope she is kind and builds good, healthy relationships because girls that have positive friendships when they are young are more likely to have strong friendships when they are adults.

TEA RECOMMENDATIONS:  Ice tea with some friends.  I went to Starbucks for iced green tea with my girlfriends yesterday morning and my daughters went to Starbucks together after school.

QUOTE:  I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.  – Augusten Burroughs